#2 Fly Freely v.2

Fly Freely v.2, 9 in. by 6.5 in. watercolor and ink, January, 15, 2019

It's 2019,  I entered with a season of sadness.  But 3 months ago, when the saddens began, I had a dream that told me a new season is coming.  

I was in a random park sitting at a picnic table in front of a scenic lake with my friend Maylee Chang.  She happened to have brought her pet ostrich with her.  She was telling me how annoying the ostrich could be, but somehow it became lovable.  We sat to catch up when all of a sudden a sapphire/emerald butterfly flew down and rested onto my arm.  

I began freaking out because I am afraid of bugs, but at the same time I froze with excitement.  I somehow ended up Asian squatting by the bench.   I wanted a closer look, but due to my visual impairment (lack of acuity and focus) I couldn't see the detail of the butterfly.  I just could see the vibrant gradient of sapphire to emerald colors on its wings.  I swiftly and as still as possible told Maylee, "I can't see!"  She replied, "In frantic enthusiasm, "I'm getting my phone, I"m getting my phone!"  As she went through the jumble of her purse and belongings,  I was still freaking out crouched down at the bench staying as still as possible.  

She could barely get her phone because the ostrich kept butting in.  (I'm glad that dreams don't have smell).  The ostrich kept blocking Maylee from taking the photo, and sticking its butt into my face.  I slowly was bringing my arm close and slowly standing.  And right when she was going to take a photo...I woke up.

I had someone tell me recently that sometimes when different people appear in our dreams perhaps our subconsciousness is manifesting the characteristics of that person from within.  And perhaps it's true.  I've always admired Maylee's strength, confidence, courage, determination, kindness, life of laughter, and her randomness.  Those were the very characteristic I happened to consider in how to move forward even though there was sadness.  It's been my reflection that perhaps the listed characteristics above would help me take one day at a time to fly freely from my sorrows.  

It also intrigues me that in my dream this is the last stage of metamorphosis for a butterfly.  It's in its most glorious and beautiful state.  Fly Freely v.2 is the butterfly that I saw in this dream with Maylee and I.  

Fly Freely v.1 18 in. by 24 in. watercolor and ink, November 27, 2012

In 2011, I had my first extensive season of sadness.  I went to a retreat the last weekend of December that year.  The point was to gather a top the mountain to be in community and to seek God's intentions for the following year.  This retreat bled into the New Year, 2012.  

We were challenged to take an evening of silence.  No talking, just listening, and just being present with the Lord.  In that silence, I couldn't stop crying. A time of worship started, and I sobbed even more.  

I was sitting next to my long time college friend, Ray, a time of instrumental worship began.  She wrote on a small piece of paper,  "Fly Freely".  The instrumental song that was playing was We Bow Down.  The lyrics that caught my attention were, "We bow down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus."  

Ray, later told me she wanted so badly to console me with direct verbal words.  But since we took a vow of silence for the night she was hoping that short phrase would encourage me.  

It did.  I took many months to reflect on this phrase and the meaning of the song We Bow Down.  I replied in 2012 that part of sadness is sustained by the many crowns of pride that we hold on to wearing atop our head.  I thought to myself, if Ecclesiastics is true - that everything in life becomes meaningless - then it means that these prideful crowns will eventually waste and rot away.  

I thought about how much freedom that Christ has given us.  I thought about what imagery would best describe this reflection of laying down crowns that would eventually rot away.  And what would it visually look like if i could just fly freely.  

I chose the hummingbird for Fly Freely v.1 because I can't see hummingbirds.  They are too fast, and zip away so quickly.  I thought about how sustained they are by nectar and how they glow like little gems in the presence of sunbeams.  And i remember the promise of my inheritance in the royal courts of the Father, the God of Grace.